Help Wanted

        Position available

Assistant to United States Congressman Cincinnatus Smith

Requirements include uninflated high marks from an honest institution of higher learning in the following subjects:

  • Functional Macroeconomic Dynamics
  • Mathematics: advanced calculus, probability and statistics, linear algebra
  • Physics: mechanics, thermodynamics, electromagnetics, subatomic particles
  • Advanced U.S. and world history
  • Constitutional and criminal law
  • Philosophy, with particular emphasis on the criteria of reality, truth, and objectivity
  • Philosophy of history and law

In addition, applicants must

  • value truth above loyalty to tribe or political party
  • be able to rise above the tribal instinct to honor principles of right and wrong, good and evil
  • possess exemplary moral character
  • prefer family to fame
  • not be subject to corruption by the desire for fame or power or wealth
  • write well, pronounce words carefully (have good diction), and speak well
  • have a joyous, happy, positive personality
  • be a self-starter, able to get tasks accomplished on one’s own
  • be strong, inspirational leader able to get tasks accomplished through delegation and effectual supervision of staff
  • have worked in a competitive company in the private sector and know what constitutes a productive day’s work delivering a useful product
  • want to make the world a better place and to make this nation a beacon of wisdom, understanding, fortitude, light, freedom, and exemplary order
  • be pursued for his/her competence by other entities, so as to be able to secure another job easily and, thus, not be insecure about losing this job
  • understand the nature, overlap, and frequent identity of religion, culture, and politics